Consuelo Business leadership lacks empathy as it intentionally denies equal salary, knowing that women will sacrifice their careers in order to care for family; intentionally denies paid family leave knowing the physical and emotional hardship on new mothers; intentionally denies promotion knowing the detriment to future generations of children and an aging population, all in the name of profit.
Intro
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Hola Chicas!
I’m Consuelo Crosby, born with both sides of my brain fighting for attention, structural engineer and creative, mother and mentor, center of any spontaneous Fiesta, if I’ve had my morning latte. I give it all to being a first-generation Peruvian bad-ass Chica.
So grateful you’re here today, wanting to shed that armor, relax into your truth, pick up your salsa step, tune out what’s getting to you and be lifted from goddesses of generations past that taught us to live life large and out loud. Cause we’re not blending in…
Life Lnxx knowledge you didn’t even know you had to be the bad-ass Chica you were born to be.
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Hola Chicas!
Thanks for joining me today on my birthday, plus one. It was yesterday, but this was definitely an episode that had to be created way in advance of the celebrations and activities I had planned for myself. I tend to overload my wants as the day draws near and have multitudes of fun crushed into these last few days.
You know I’ve been celebrating all month, but this is also a tough week for me because it holds the anniversaries of when each of my parents passed away over the last few years. I took care of them for eight years while getting my master’s and having my girls finished college.And thankfully I have amazing friends who embraced me through all of the curve balls that life has thrown at me and had been there for me regardless of the time of day or work required because of their empathetic personalities.
Empathy in Our Time of Need
This is what we’re going to touch on today. Empathy in our everyday lives, not just in the moment of tragedy, though. The need for empathy to soothe us through the difficulties that life presents and that we have no control over whether a moment of doubt of our abilities, a feeling of isolation, a loss of a loved one, or even a loss of a part of ourselves. This is where we typically look for empathy. But we’re also placed in unnecessary harsh environments that could be eliminated by training professionals to act with empathy, like the medical field. How often have you been turned away, told it’s in your head and dismissed out of ignorance of what a woman needs in her health care. And what about at the workplace? Can you expect empathy from leadership or peers when dealing with a challenge either within the company or within yourself?
But first, we’re going to take a moment to share some empathy for those who have lost their loved ones and family, and continue to heal from their absence. If you’ve gone through this, I hope you have been kind to yourself, given yourself time to begin to heal. Each of us passes through grief in a different way and yet a bit of empathy, of knowing we are not alone in it, can be the comfort we all need. A beautiful way to keep healing is to remember our loved ones in their most unique moments, the ones that stand out and speak only of them. Memories may be a mixed bag of emotions but all of those emotions are healthy in bringing us to a place of acceptance of their absence and grace in remembering them.
Hispanic and Latino Celebration of Remembrance
In my Hispanic culture, this week culminates in the celebration of remembrance of our family members who have passed on. Latino and Hispanic cultures honor their ancestors with stories that illuminate their lives and prayers of gratitude for everything they provided for the next generations.
In Mexico, it’s Dia de Los Muertos and for me, it’s All Soul’s Day, but both are celebrated on November second. My mother passed away three days after my birthday, on the 29th. And five years later, my father passed away on All Souls Day. I kid myself that they never wanted to be forgotten so they left here right after my birthday, but really it’s a special time of the year to be celebrating their remembrance in the same week that they actually left.
And then between all this, my birthday and the celebration of remembrance there’s Halloween, which we all love, is still absolutely my favorite. I always wished I was born on Halloween and regardless my birthday parties are costume required.
Yeah, this is definitely a week of mixed emotions for me, all the feels from revelry for another year of living to sadness in missing my mom and dad to the silliness of candy and costumes and partying to solace and remembering all my family members that have passed on.
How Empathy is Lived in Latino Families
Hispanic and Latino cultures are really based in empathy and love though. It’s a really tight community that gives freely. I mentioned that scenario in Episode 8, how easily it is to be gifted compassion and empathy when everybody is living that on a regular basis and expressing it freely.
In my family, there was no end to the extent my parents would go out and soften our struggle. They didn’t do it for us or remove the struggle from us. But they would be there by our side, encouraging us to keep moving forward, feeding us our favorite foods, making us laugh with silly antics and ultimately celebrating us when we made it through.
Life was a blessing through my childhood and adolescence. Our friends would spontaneously appear at our home soon, followed by food and drinks, music and singing. The men and women were together dancing rather than separated into gender groups. The women were not in the kitchen while the men were in the living room. These friends would be there to console my parents, to lend a hand at the home, to engage with us kids and reassure us that we were great!.
I always thought that was something really amazing that the Latin adults always paid attention to us kids first. I didn’t know anything different, even in school, I just figured other families were having a bad day and that’s why they remained silent and aloof.
It wasn’t until I got to the workplace that I had the aha moment or the uh-oh moment, I’m not in Catalonia anymore!
Don’t get me wrong though. It wasn’t all sugar and hugs as a Latina growing up. The expectations are high and the rules are strict. I’m not sure how much of this has changed given time passing, but wow, I have so many stories that I could share right now, but that would be an entirely different podcast. There are some great reels out there right now that give you a pretty good idea of the personalities involved so add some of the restrictions of the sixties era and you’ll get a good picture of what I’m talking about.
I’m actually going to be adding in bonus episodes that are 15 minute stories that flush out what I referenced in these full episodes because each time I wrote one out, I cut out my own story. It’s like I silenced myself because it made the podcast too long, but I would love to share them in hopes that they resonate with you. Some things will be really familiar with you because they haven’t changed and some things are outlandish, like when the sheriff of my construction site tried to lock me up in a mock-up cell.
Yeah, these realities are something else. Be on the lookout on our social media for the first drop and I’ll give you a heads up.
Women Have a High Work Ethic in the Workplace
So a Latina is prepared to enter the workplace with a very go-getter attitude. It’s not a Type A personality because if music started, I would drop everything to break into dancing. I know, bad thing, right? It’s just that the work ethic from being raised in a Latino family is pretty high and yet the amount of empathy given is equally high. It’s what gets you through it and it allows you to see how much depth you have when you’re challenged and how courageous you can become when surrounded with empathy .
Women tend to come into the workplace with a high work ethic anyway, because that’s what it takes in this current style of business to break through the barriers. It’s not fair and it’s, what’s putting us under a lot of stress at work and it spills into our personal life.
Still, we persevere knowing that the work we do is commendable and should be recognized and rewarded. After all, that’s the way we have lived our lives. We go out on a limb to climb higher, either reach the next branch or fall down to the next one below, but either way, our family’s there to embrace us and encourage us to keep climbing. And so is our sisterhood.
But, then you hit that moment; the wait-what-happening-moment when you realize that others have been operating on a different standard. Tell me if you’ve had this moment. Let’s say you’re at work. You really apply yourself to hit all the goals for the year, the knowns that will indicate you’re eligible and worthy of a promotion. You’re happy and proud of yourself and when it comes to being recognized for achieving the goals, leadership is crickets. Silence, nothing. Instead of calling out lack of respect from leadership for your success, you begin to doubt that you really did it, or hopefully you go in the opposite direction and say, “hell no, I want my rightful promotion”.
Empathy as an Act of Reciprocity
Yeah, this is when the other aspect of empathy should kick in from leadership.
Empathy is also an act of reciprocity, of giving back to others that have given themselves to you. It’s finally being able to return kindness and support to the same extent that someone has sacrificed themselves for you. Empathy as reciprocity is freely given without the need of the other person asking for it. Empathy should occur in the moment the recipient recognizes the sacrifice or high work ethic of the other person; the moment can either be scheduled or spontaneous and in that moment, the person of strength, who has been giving and working and supporting a specific effort, is duly rewarded with gift, promotion, or just a fricking break.
Lack of empathy creates burnout, and it’s not sustainable. Someone giving their all beyond what’s expected or what her peers are giving, will feel used and unappreciated. Leadership that lacks empathy takes advantage of its employees, establishes a one-way flow of taking without giving back in return. Family that lacks empathy will place demands and expectations without offering gratitude and assistance in return.
I think it’s really difficult in this culture. Here we are money-centric, unwilling to disrupt our routine if it means losing money or missing work or worrying how others would view us. It’s especially difficult for us women since we’re expected to be the sole source of empathy to everyone around us, family, friends, employees, and yet we get stretched even further by consoling each other.
Now, little acts of kindness go a long way on any given day to sustain each other. It’s a way of creating community, a sense that no one is alone in their struggle; that you’re near and present and ready to act should they need help or support. Acknowledging others sincerely and regularly is powerful. People feel seen, which brings them one step closer to being part of something bigger, a community that will help them endure life challenges rather than stressing out all alone.
How Businesses Deny Women Generational Wealth
In leadership though, it has to go further than just recognition since the majority of our lives are so intertwined with work that it spills into our personal space. The employee of the month award is okay, it’s intentional. It recognizes a goal being hit, but it’s not an equal act of reciprocity for the amount of time and energy, even financial resources it took that person to reach the goal.
By the time another fiscal year has ended, employees shouldn’t have to be demanding their promotions and title and salary. They shouldn’t have to be negotiating and demanding their worth, especially for women who are fully informed that their salary will be 20% less on average than their male peers. For a black woman, it’s 35% less and for a Latina, it’s 45% less. This alone shows lack of empathy, lack of reciprocity that business leadership is operating on while they make billions.
The impact from lack of empathy goes far beyond the disparity in salary, though. It directly affects women’s abilities to provide for childcare so that they can be consistently present in their career. Without empathy women live the threat of sacrificing their career in order to care for their family and given their loving and empathetic nature, the very nature that is completely responsible for the survival of humans, women will opt to care for their family rather than sacrifice them for a job.
Yet, over 50% of women left the workforce during the pandemic because of lack of childcare. This plummeted the presence of career women back to the same numbers as 1988, when women were barely allowed to own their own credit card without a male co-signer.
Secondly, women and their careers are threatened by the lack of maternity and family leave after childbirth. This lack of empathy places women at risk in their physical and emotional wellbeing. Studies show that 70 to 80% of women develop some aspect of postpartum depression symptoms after childbirth. Without proper care and rest, these symptoms may be overlooked, or dismissed by the family or more so, the medical staff. Gone unchecked, a new mother’s symptoms may interfere with her ability to develop a relationship with her baby causing duress in the newborn.
And thirdly, women are vulnerable to being dismissed for promotion of title and salary, especially Latina and Black women, given an uninviting work environment that fosters imposter syndrome, from a lack of sense of belonging. This in turn creates self doubt of equal value within a company and without a confident sense of belonging, women will hesitate to demand a promotion, leaving them at risk to fall behind in generational wealth and ability to care for their family. So a company lacking in empathy will avoid proactively providing a just promotion, taking advantage of the situation it knowingly created.
These three components of the workplace: equal salary, paid family leave and respectful promotion in title and salary are the focus for infusing empathy from business leadership that we are still demanding and must achieve in order to create a healthy society.
But, business leadership lacks empathy, because it intentionally denies equal salary even knowing that women will sacrifice their careers, in order to care for family. It intentionally denies paid family leave, even knowing the physical and emotional hardship on new mothers. It intentionally denies promotion, even knowing the detriment to future generations of children and an aging population, all in the name of profits.
So by demanding empathy for women, because until we demand it, it won’t be acted on freely, our entire society will benefit. By creating an empathetic workplace, we create an equal and just place for women to thrive and therefore our entire society thrives.
You have the power to call attention to these areas of inequity at your workplace and also to broadcast the successes of companies that have already instigated equity and empathy. Women entrepreneurs and women in leadership should be building empathy into their business organizational structure as a given, not something that has to be demanded, protested for in order to be provided. Women understand the absurdity in expecting an employee to work hard, go unrewarded and then expect her to further fight for her just promotion.
Until this changes and we remain under this lack of empathy, under this added burden to the already tricky human condition, we may find that parts of us diminish or even break off. Constant use, especially overuse, wears down anything organic or manmade. It’s not sustainable, from Mother Earth to trivial man-made things.
This society’s answer is just to replace whatever is worn out from the abuse of overburden so much so that our answer to overusing the earth is to go to Mars. Yeah. Mars has no oceans so you won’t find me on that flight and it’s totally claustrophobic.
Thankfully, the next generations already are on this. They’re fully devoted to treating earth and all its inhabitants kinder and sustainably and I have so much gratitude for your compassionate determination to improve living standards with this equity and social justice.
Change How You View Yourself in Times of Struggle
Even Kaleidoscopes are Fractured
Until we create that community culture of empathy, where people practice, caring and supporting other spontaneously and without hesitation, I want to offer this viewpoint to add solace to your difficult moments, to catch the pieces that may be breaking off and to paint a vision of what life will be like in your lifetime. That’s my hashtag, in my lifetime. That’s why I’m so adamant about making change for you. I just want to see it. I want to know it happened, but I want you to live it.
Given you’ve been on this planet for at least a couple of decades and lived through some rough patches already, you probably have felt some pretty powerful setbacks. As a young person, these can feel even more difficult because they may be a bit shocking, never-had to-go-through-one-before moments. You may look back later and think, Hm, that wasn’t that bad and that mentality keeps you moving forward. Your first breakup doesn’t seem so bad when you find the love of your life. Childbirth loses its threat when you hold your newborn child for the first time.
But still the experience tumbled you around and maybe some pieces broke off. You may have some fractures, some missing pieces that you couldn’t put back together afterwards. And that’s okay. There’s more to you that keeps evolving and probably you’re able to fill in most of the gaps left behind from these little pieces.
Still, they are part of you and so it’s really important to find them as best as you can and tuck them away where you can glance at them once in a while, and smile, put them in a safe place because they’re beautiful. They’re treasured. They are part of you. You are no less because of these fallen little pieces.
If anything, you’re more complex and powerful, even though you may not realize it yet. You may, though, one day when you’ve healed and reached self love again to embrace yourself in pride. Then you may accept that you did your best under the circumstances you were in at that moment and give over to self-compassion. With that may come relief, acceptance that it’s in the past, and you can just let go.
Prior to the last episode, you may have been really hard on yourself, laid a layer of self-criticism for falling apart here and there, and having these little pieces broken off. You may play stress on yourself for not being perfect for having these fractures and viewing yourself as not good enough.
But if you’re really living life fully, then there probably will be even more pieces that will break off and you’ll search for those too, like looking for seashells on the beach and you’ll keep them, treasure them. And instead of looking at these pieces as indicators that you’re less than you were before, look at them all together within yourself.
Think of yourself as a kaleidoscope. Remember that toy when you were little, the tube with all the colorful, broken pieces inside, and then when you held it up to the light and turned it, you could see all these beautiful, different patterns. You are mesmerized by how different each pattern was just from twisting the body and tumbling the pieces around.
Become that kaleidoscope with all your little broken parts tumbling around inside you. Each turn of the kaleidoscope changes your viewpoint and creates another gorgeous reflection of who you are so you can enjoy all the memories, harsh or joyful, that you needed to make that picture. Love yourself for having lived a life that created these little pieces, and that now offer this entirely different picture of yourself.
Not sure it’s worth the risk of living that full life if the price if parts of you are falling off? I get it. I understand. I know it may feel threatening to put yourself out there. You may be uncomfortable with the yet to be known version of yourself with a few parts missing. Gosh, some women won’t even tolerate aging and they’ll do everything they can to remain the same.
But without all those little pieces, these beautiful, colorful pieces that got knocked loose, you internally might be empty. An empty kaleidoscope is just a tube and looking through it would yield nothing but a white dot at the end. Yeah an intact person with no pieces missing isn’t the goal from a lifetime of living.
I feel like sending out kaleidoscopes to everyone for a moment of joy and self-reflection, right? They used to be just lying in a bin at a toy store so you could stop for a quick fix whenever you needed it. I could really go for one of those right now.
So, be on the lookout on our social media, @LifeLnxx, for the heads up on our bonus episodes dropping soon. Each story is going to tie back into the episode of the week so you have a better picture of what I’m talking about, and I don’t have to silence myself anymore. That’s exactly opposite to why I’m here, right?
I think the stories will both encourage you with just how much society and the world has changed in your favor and hopefully empower you in realizing there’s still more work to be done.
Also, the October newsletter will be going out with stories of the remembrance celebrations of our ancestors that resonate throughout the Hispanic and Latin cultures. I’d love to hear your own stories of celebrations so you can share them on our website @lifelnxx.com, that’s L N double X, because each of you are valuable and necessary to create a full narrative.
So please live your diversity out loud and share it with us.
Step into your truth, Ladies. Ciao!
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Really appreciate the time you take to rate and review the podcast. Get the backstory on what you’ve heard here today, and reach out to us at lifelnxx.com, that’s L N double X, because it’s about time, it’s about us. Stay in the groove on our social media @LifeLnxx and get ready to make your move, ladies!
Viva!
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