Consuelo [INTRO]
Welcome to the Life Lnxx podcast, where we link multicultural generations to push past stigma and embrace our heritage, because we are not blending in. If you are trying to balance the generational differences in a multicultural family, then have a listen and see what resonates with you.
I’m your host, Consuelo Crosby, and also the creator of this content. If you wanted to chat more about what we talk about on this show please reach out to me on whatever platform you enjoy on social media. We’re available @lifelnxx or on our website at TheLnxx.com, that’s L N Double X. I’d love to engage with you more in these topics and hear more of what you have to say about them.
Hola Chicas!
Happy Wednesday, Happy Summer Solstice and the glorious warmth – even ridiculous heat – that is finally becoming a norm here in the San Francisco Bay Area. It’s always tricky here at summertime. One never knows if it’s going to be the “coldest winter ever”, in the words of Mark Twain or the glorious time of year that the rest of the world gets to enjoy in their summer season.
We have had gorgeous sunny, blue skies with warm nights and that serotonin is fueling the happiness during these still odd and difficult times. So, even as we slide to the other side of long days, remember to go outside after work and relish in the feeling of sun on your skin.
The Sun plays such a prominent part in humanity, starting way back with the ancients. I love hearing the stories passed down about communities forging their existence around the sun. Visiting the temples in South and Central America that were built with a sun room at the top to capture the sun at the moment of the solstice. In Tahiti, the temples laid out perfectly to cast no shadow when the solstice occurs, focusing all glory to the heavens.
The sun was considered sacred and honored in gratitude for providing life, food and warmth. Even today, this season of summer, is met with joy and reveling. We endure the trials and weather of winter, through the hopes of Spring to land in the season of possibility. In Summer, with its longest days of warmth and boundless happiness from the sun, anything feels possible.
There is no need to plan ahead when days are long and weather is warm. Anything is possible once you get the idea and enthusiasm to kick in. It’s so rejuvenating and validating that there is more to you than your job, your family role or your yesterday.
Is it possible to do anything?
Imagine your wildest dreams because you come from the people that already had them. It’s in your DNA. They left everything behind, their homes, friends, family with a sense of possibility and little else.
Honestly, sometimes, that is exactly what is needed to make those bold moves. Just an idea and the belief that anything is possible. The less you know about the unknown, the better off you are at starting something new.
This is the topic of today’s episode: Focusing on the thrill of possibility to keep the love of life and opportunity alive. Even when times get tricky and we get stuck, there is always a possibility to change if we just take the first step. But that first step is scary, isn’t it? Especially if it’s a brand new, unknown direction. Still, if you come to an end of a road, or a job, do you stay in it because at least it’s safe or do you turn and step forward?
Think about it. When was the last time you were allowed to think freely towards an idea without a template to follow. Even in your free time, do you take on something that allows you to try something new without an agenda? It seems almost counterintuitive, right? Like what’s the point of learning something new if you don’t know why you’re learning it.
Oh, but there is so much to it. Without that freedom to dream, to get excited about the possibility, you may find your world shrinking into sameness. Now, that may seem cozy and comforting but here’s the thing. As your world shrinks, then problems, which were no big deal before, begin to feel bigger. And that’s the last thing you want to feel.
So, how do you keep that thrill of possibility thriving in you so your world feels endless?
Cafecito Shout Out
As you’re thinking about that for a bit, I’m going to give you a head’s up on this week’s #steamycafecito moment. For any new listeners, this is our way of supporting women, especially women of color, in small business in any community so if you have one in your neighborhood or a global recommendation, then DM me on our Life Lnxx Instagram or email me through our website, at TheLnxx.com.
This time I was on a small road trip out of the area and was blessed with an amazing discovery of a town I had always heard of but never been to: Chico, California. Like many places that have been talked about for too long in a past description, Chico is not what it was but instead is so much better and so is the coffee lounge I discovered there. I’ll talk more about that at the end of this episode so stay tuned!
Is There Room for Free Thinking?
So, let’s get into today’s topic and take some time to consider the thrill of possibility, when was the last time you lived freely in it and why is this so important. It may be tricky to even imagine your world without boundaries or directions.
Even today’s creators are scripted, held to an algorithm for social media exposure or a template for maximum Google SEO. At the same time, today more than ever, we have the freedom and the platforms to be completely free with expression and voice. So how do you find that balance to be free, to think in possibility in the midst of a scripted language?
Let’s see how we got to this point, first. Because kids used to be totally free. Yes, there were stricter expectations of conforming but then again, no one was really watching, either. There were no helicopter parents or extracurricular requirements. No AP classes, no performance checklist and lots of freedom in a safer world.
Starting in the 80’s, children were really put on a schedule, most likely as women moved into their careers and society didn’t move to support them. So for more than a generation, children have been scheduled into various programs in order to be in sync with their parents’ work schedules. In those programs, they are told what to do and when to do it and even how to do it.
It fed straight into college and then into the workplace, creating a gap of expectations. In one regard, there was always a framework to think within rather than thinking freely and thus, an expectation to find that in the workplace. But, management’s from an era of non-framework and wanting employees to work on their own. Hence an expectation to figure things out for themselves.
Why it’s important to live in possibility
It’s understandable and on point from both sides but that doesn’t fix the gap in expectations. So how do we begin to close the gap of expectation between needing structure to operate within and providing freedom to operate independently?
Well, leadership in most organizations is slow to change, so it may be more beneficial to change as an individual. Learning to operate without structure and still feel successful takes practice given the decades you were taught to do otherwise. Without structure, you operate a little willy-nilly and it may seem scary and unknown but there’s an easily accessible exercise to practice.
Here is the really important concept to thinking freely in possibility. If you think in possibility, the idea that absolutely anything is possible, then there is no planned process, no expectation and no way of failing. Aaaah, there it is. You cannot fail if there is no one answer because anything is possible.
This gets the untapped portion of your brain thinking again, the part that had probably gone a tad dormant. The creative part of the brain is coming up with all sorts of ideas because it isn’t held to the old paradigm of having a right way and a wrong way. Within that whirlwind of ideas, one may pop forward that you like.
Beautiful! Here is where all that training, all those life skills come into play. Now, you can use the analytical side of your brain to figure things out, learn what’s missing and try to manifest your idea. All that time you were thinking freely, without structure, without worry about being right or meeting expectations.
The negative thinking, the brain whispering “I don’t know if that’s right and we might look foolish” has been silenced. Without the threat of failure or the preconceived idea of not being able to do something, life is brighter, larger and freedom is unleashed.
You come from possibility
You may be asking what that looks like in real life? Or, how do I know it’s worth the risk of stepping outside expectations? I have a couple of examples for you.
First of all, like was mentioned earlier, you come from this. Your parents or grandparents courageously thought this way. They left everything they knew behind, probably without much of a plan or financial support and struck out for the unknown. Then, they put their talents and raw life skills to work as they figured their journey out along the way. They probably did not have a job waiting for them, or may not have known the language or where they were going to live.
But they struck out and made it happen anyway. Do you realize that this is within your capacity to do now? I hear you laughing. Can you imagine doing this now, without a phone, credit card, or plan on how you would start up again once you got to your destination? Right, it’s astounding! And absolutely beautiful and liberating.
But, maybe that’s not what you want so why practice thinking in possibility? Because, life happens organically and no matter how well you plan and figure things out in advance, you can’t control life. Practicing living in possibility gives you the life skill to roll with the unexpected rather than panic or worry.
How to Apply Thinking in Possibility
For example, I was recovering from a calf injury during a marathon training when I met a woman named Julie. At the time I was really frustrated and upset that I may not make the marathon because I had an injury. I was thinking only in actual result and expectation rather than possibility.
We happened to be walking on the deck of a cruise ship but in opposite directions. Each time we lapped each other we would smile and say hi so one time I switched directions in order to learn her story. I started describing my story, feeling all proud of myself for dealing with my ailment but frustrated for my situation.
I didn’t have what Julie had so this became one of my biggest life lessons. Julie had been injured in a car accident that broke her spine. She was told she would never walk again. For 7 months, she lay on her stomach to allow her spine to heal as best as it could.
During this time, Julie told herself that anything is possible and she wouldn’t allow herself to dwell on other people’s expectations. Instead, she envisioned what she wanted to do when she healed, when she learned to walk again not even knowing if that would happen or when.
Her vision? To take a cruise one day and be able to walk the deck while staring out at the ocean. I was immediately humbled, enthralled with the power of her thinking and telling myself to learn from her. This was a miracle of sorts that could not have been planned or orchestrated by even the most prestigious doctors. But in the freedom of thinking in possibility, the impossible happened.
Three benefits of living in possibility
So, yes, put that glorious DNA to work for you and learn the benefits of living in possibility. Whether you are in a place you enjoy or one you need to move out of, thinking in possibility nurtures three important benefits.
One, and to me the most important, is that the idea of possibility gives immense joy immediately. It’s the immediate release from anything known that may be causing you stress or anxiety. Allow yourself to let go of expectation, remove the pressure of trying to have the right answer and just relax into possibility. Thinking of what’s possible without any perceived outcome gives you the drive to just start, take that first step because you can’t fail if there’s no expected outcome.
Second, it protects you from the opinions of others, which is a great filter. When you think in possibility, with a wide net of options, it may freak people out, especially those closest to you. For instance, I want to move to Spain because I want to live in the culture that resonates with me. But my friends kind of freak out. They suggest I go rent there first, try different areas to see if I like it, don’t sell my house in case I want to come back. If I were to adopt their suggestions, I probably would be so cautious and worried the whole time that I had made a mistake. Honestly, any country I land in has me thinking, “I could live here”, followed by the search for jobs and apartments.
Third, it helps reorganize your thought process. When you become accustomed to thinking in possibility without negativity, then you learn to put your life skills to use AFTERWARDS to implement the idea, not during or before. Life skills are used to make the idea happen rather than shut the idea down. So, saying, “I’m going to move to Spain” isn’t followed by “but, first I need to have enough money” or “but, first, I need to learn the language”. Avoid sending yourself down that rabbit hole because in that darkness, possibility shrinks and the creative process is either diluted or cut short.
How to Communicate Possibility to Others
Thinking with possibility is really no different than making a plan with an expected outcome. Neither is controllable. Both are organic. You cannot predict, control or avoid life in order to force an outcome. Life is organic with a huge sphere of influence that you may not even know about.
Can you prepare for the life you want? Absolutely! Take those amazing life skills and apply them to what you can control so that you have more freedom to jump into opportunity. Maybe eliminate debt or increase savings with a side gig, go to online classes after work, or be learning that language as you pack that bag! Do you have to have it all figured out? No, absolutely not.
Now, it’s not always easy to remove yourself from expectation and disappointment. Even when we allow ourselves to think freely, deep inside we have some hope of what might happen. But we can practice being open to results, too.
A good way to frame a conversation over possibility is to say, “I am going to change my career but I am not sure what I will like. So, I’m going to try this first and see how I like it.” This gives you ownership over the process with an open ended possibility of result. It also communicates that you have accepted the possibility that you may not like the first try and are willing to try again.
People will feel less likely to offer their opinion when they understand your thought process and strength in accepting an unknown result.
Go wild with possibility and feel the joy of that vision without negativity or feeling inadequate. Live your best life that is leaps and bounds from where you are now rather than just the next step you are told to take. I cannot wait to hear your stories of adventure, learning and excitement!
Show Us Your Cafecito Moments!
Now, for the #steamycafecito moment. If you missed our previous shoutouts of these amazing businesses, then you can find them on our Instagram highlights under the Cafecito icon and in the Links tab of our website at lifelnxx.com, that’s L N Double X.
I was really taken back by the ideal behind this cafe. I have yet to discover this purpose elsewhere so let me know if you have. The ‘Naked Lounge’ in Chico, California is newly owned by 4 free thinkers within the local area. Their mission statement (and I am quoting here) is to “embrace the unconventional, the off-center, the unique, the self-starters, and the idea-generators. We think for ourselves and encourage everyone around us to do the same”.
Definitely wanted to support this small business that also promotes local musicians with a venue for live performance. The pics on our Instagram stories, also in the Highlights under the cafecito icon, show the beautiful art for sale by local artists and chandeliers renovated by one of the owner’s wife, Michelle. Oh, and yes, that lush, creamy cappuccino while I was lounging on the sofa of the stage…
If you’re in the area, then stop in for food and bevvies. Or, if you know a student attending Chico State, buy them a gift card online so that they can stroll over between classes.
Ciao!
Remember to tag Life Lnxx in your favorite cafecito moments, maybe your favorite coffee hangout in your community. I would love to see your favorites, especially from our global audience. If you know of another coffee spot that hosts live music, DM me @lifelnxx or send me an email on our website at TheLnxx.com .
Share the love of this podcast with your friends and leave a review for us on your favorite streaming platform so we can stay in conversation.
Step into your truth, ladies. I love you! Ciao!
[Outro]
