Consuelo {Music begins with Intro}
HOLA CHICAS!
I am Consuelo Crosby – born with both sides of my brain fighting for attention.. structural engineer & creative, mother & mentor, center of any spontaneous fiesta if I’ve had my morning latte… I give it all to being a 1st generation Peruvian badass chica!
So grateful you’re here today, wanting to shed that armor, relax into your truth, your value… pick up your salsa step, tune out what’s getting to you and be lifted from goddesses in generations past that taught us to live life large and out loud… cuz we’re not blending in…
LIFE LNXX… knowledge you didn’t even know you had TO BE THE BADASS CHICA YOU WERE BORN TO BE!
{Episode 3}
Hola chicas!
What a Wednesday we landed on today! It’s July 28th, I know that might be just another day approaching the end of the last big month of summer for you… But for me, this is much more. It’s el veinte y ocho del Julio – Peruvian Independence day! Las Fiestas Patrias! And this year is the 200th Anniversary of Independence for Peru. A huge celebration in the country and in my family.
And, those of you who got the advanced notice from our newsletter because you signed up on our website, you have the recipe for making your celebratory Peruvian drink. I’m wondering which one you chose. Was it the Pisco Sour, the iconic Peruvian drink made with the lime and Pisco, not the coconut, (singing) lime and the Pisco and the coconut, no, lime and Pisco and egg white, you know, for protein! A shout out to Capurro Pisco for the free advertising that you see in the newsletter.
If you’re yearning for a smoother, non-alcohol drink, we have you covered with the Chicha Morada – a refreshing and gorgeous drink made from the Peruvian purple corn, fresh fruit and spices that looks like rich purple velvet.
Or if you need a grab and go, there’s always a cold Inca Kola that you can take off the shelf! Don’t be turned off by that neon yellow color you see in the pic , your body will eliminate it. It’s all part of the experience. Or maybe, it was the adorable picture of my daughter some 20 years ago that got you to choose that one.
If you missed signing up in time, you can still do so on our website at The lnxx.com, that’s L-N-Double X!
Either way, raise your glass and give a shout out, Viva y Salud! To Peru and to you for all of your new independence and victories so far.
July is just one big holiday for my family, starting with our 4th of July celebrations and winding up with the weekend after today, because you always have to hit that Saturday night party. And there’s a family birthday in between.
My mother was the leader in crafting our 4th of July fun, which still makes me laugh because she didn’t become a US citizen until my daughter, her first grandchild was born. Which, when you think of it, I should be taking it rather personally, because, as many of you know, being an immigrant here, with only a Green Card can still be a little precarious, a little volatile, and no guarantee of stability. So, my whole life up to 27, my mother could have been forced to live in Peru, away from us, her kids. And that, apparently, was okay for her until my daughter was born. And suddenly the idea of living in Peru, away from my daughter, made her run and become a citizen. Now, I don’t think I take that too personally but, actually, I’m not going to dwell on it.
So, this entire month is symbolic of independence… and yet, we know that independence can be a tricky concept. Independence can either bring diverse crowds together all at once, or it can actually tear us apart. The political representation has multiple facets and yet usually only one narrative; that of the victor for justice, hopefully, or the oppressor of the peoples. But independence is also reliance on each other to persevere for a common cause, like equity and a united voice. Independence can be for ourselves, free from conformity or expectations of others. The mere definition of independence, and I did look it up, is filled with descriptions of self: self-determination, self-reliance, self-sufficiency such that we are individually free from the demands of others.
And still, on any given day, we are reminded that even the most liberated, most self-reliant and successful are not independent from the will and ideals of people who feel the need to hold ownership over them. This includes even ourselves. Take a minute and reflect on your workplace. The place you are most of the day and it has the most influence on all the eight facets of wellness. Think about how you are expected to perform throughout your day and for what goal?
First of all, are your innate talents being honored for what they are and your sense of self valued in order for the company to become successful? Or, are you just at the will of the company leadership?
Secondly, even if you are honored for your gifts, are you given credit – victory, independence – or is your contribution taken by this leadership? This sense of ownership is usually hierarchy in action; the pyramid of power from the top relying ever so heavily on the foundation of brilliance below them for success.
But this also works both ways and we should acknowledge that the same sense of ownership can run from the wide base of the masses and affect the very star pinnacle at the top. This mindset is very contagious and can quickly affect a lot of us if we forget to take a stand for independence; take alliance to support someone’s courage to live their true identity.
This is what I found myself last week while having a fab dinner with my husband at our favorite soulful Italian restaurant. We go there for the whole vibe; the owners, the staff, the playlist in the background that has you grooving in your chair while you wait ever so patiently for those treasures to be unearthed from the wood burning oven. It’s spectacular!
But last week, all of this was disrupted by the conversations of the diners we were sitting next to. Now, I will warn you, this may sound like nails on a chalkboard, a sound that we can’t tolerate to hear anymore and you want to leave. I’m asking you to stay with me. We need to digest it still or it will only grow because of its contagious tendency. So, be courageous for a minute and band together on this.
It was definitely an ‘Overheard in LA’ moment that went far beyond the one line dialogue. There were two couples, the older in their sixties and the other in their fifties, discussing the Olympics given that it was Opening Day in Tokyo. I knew it would be disruptive when the first topic they brought up was the US Women’s gymnastics team’s uniforms.
The women were preaching to the men, which to me, makes this more disheartening because it’s hard enough to stand for ourselves without other women tearing us down. And they went on to talk about the uniforms like this: “How dare they (the uniforms) not be Red, White & Blue to represent their country! The uniforms are black with rose gold crystals like the Black Lives Matter movement.” (a contrived idea by the speaker, not indeed my the designer of the uniforms or the team). And finally they said, “You’re supposed to be representing your country, not some ideal!”
Oooof!… This is where I was so grateful that we ordered a bottle of wine especially when the couples started ordering dessert. .
They were just getting started though. Next was the discourse over Naomi Osaka, the 23 year old tennis goddess, who is representing Japan and was honored to light the Olympic cauldron to start the Games.
Even so, the discourse went like this:
“What was she thinking?” “Playing for Japan!” “It’s not like she would have been any good in Japan. She trained here!”
This is heart wrenching to hear, isn’t it? Especially this past year when we have had a lot of time to consider our place in this conversation.
And Naomi is so gentle yet she blazes the tennis court with her scorching strength and endurance, traits she honed by watching Serena and Venus as she was growing up. Naomi was the second highest earning tennis athlete last year; not female tennis athletes, all tennis athletes. In fact, she was only second to Rafael Nadal, but he’s 13 years her senior. So really, Naomi is second to none because seriously, who compares herself to a person 13 years older? That would be useless!
So here’s a little bit of background on Naomi to fill you with her spirit right now. She was born in Chūō-ku, Osaka, Japan and has always identified as her Japanese and Haitian culture. Her family moved to New York to live with her father’s parents when she was 3 years old. Her father was enraptured with the Williams sisters. Given that he had two stellar daughters of his own, he started emulating the training of Venus and Serena. This must have been really tough on all the ladies as they grew up. So much pressure and discipline at an age when you just want to goof off and hang out with your friends.
Think about these powerful young women having the courage to persevere through their childhood as professionals – side note, Naomi, Venus and Serena went pro by the age of 15! – Fifteen! and yet they still maintain a sweet playfulness into their 20’s and 30’s. The courage they have had to hold a palm out when the severity of the masses gets too close so they can care for themselves is definitely the kind of training that all of us need to be going through on a regular basis. That’s the kind of training we can endure right now.
Still, the harsh closing comment from the table next to us was this:
“She owes it to this country to play for the U.S.!”
And there it is, ba-dah-boom… “She owes it to this country…” The same country who’s Tennis Federation turned its back to her training until she made it to be a pro. The same country that incarcerated Japanese families living here in the U.S. in 1941. The same country that ripples with racism towards Black and Asian people even today.
“She owes it to this country.” … It’s troubling to me. I don’t know whether I feel angry, or sad or frustrated to hear opinions that aim to tear down successful, self-achieving women. We already have such huge challenges of equality and equity to overcome that it’s discouraging to have some women be our own worst enemy.
But, more importantly, let’s clarify beyond the details… No woman owes anyone anything beyond living true to herself, as she chooses to identify. We don’t owe anything to a country, a partner, a company and definitely don’t owe anything to complete strangers. We owe it to ourselves to take care of our health and well-being, our confidence and kindness, our intelligence, and especially, the next generation. That we excel beyond this for our own love of self and the challenges we set up for ourselves, that’s up to us and has no intention of procuring judgment or opinion, unless we ask for it.
Getting back to my dinner, which was getting cold since I was totally focused only on my vino, I had time to sit in this mentality and think for a while. This older generation, my generation, tends to be in leadership and decision-making roles at the moment. And I wonder, is this how they view their teams at work, as well? The incredibly talented young workforce, whose innate talents and intelligence exceeds what we have seen before, do they “owe” it to their “bosses” and ultimately, “their companies” for their successes just because they were “trained” there? Woof!
Let’s go back to your own workplace. Now, what do you think? How are you viewed by your immediate team leader and how is that in keeping with the goal of the organization? If your answer is leaning towards, overlooked and overworked, then we have an issue that is deeper than your own experience and speaks more to the idea of the entire system.
Still, if you love what you are doing and it is giving you the arena to excel, then making some independent choices may bring back the personal value that momentarily slipped away. Sometimes the results can happen immediately, given your courage and strength to make change. And other times, since you are breaking barriers faster than people can understand, change may come slower than you need it to. And yet, you are making powerful change for yourself and those looking up to you because there are young girls watching what you’re doing.
Just look at the women Olympic athletes in Japan now. Now, they have already excelled by making their respective teams. They have worked within the archaic International Olympic Committee framework to participate fully and achieve one, or multiple, of their life goals. The athletes committed to personal reward without letting an antiquated system defeat them or hold them back. This is amazing! This is something we can take into our everyday lives. Rather than getting frustrated that the system exists, because it does exist, focusing on self and our power to change, to make choices to reach our goals. They are taking a personal and independent stand to shine their value, speak their mind to tell this system, “your time is up… it’s time for change.”
For example, the IOC rules out any type of protest at the Games. Rule 50… I don’t know how many rules there are but if this is only rule 50, there’s a lot that can’t be done at the Olympics. Rule 50 of the Olympic Charter says, “No kind of demonstration or political, religious or racial propaganda is permitted in any Olympic sites, venues or other areas.” And yet, we know that athletes from many countries had begun protesting prior to arriving in Japan in order to state what they believed in. This instantly made the IOC begin to soften its rule. Now, it didn’t obliterate it. It didn’t wipe it out. It did widen the options of free expression.
Now, during the Games, athletes are taking it even further, at their own expense and for the greater good. For instance, Luciana Alvarado is the first Costa Rican gymnast to compete at the Olympics. She is already a winner for being an Olympian. Rather than protect her precarious place at being a newly accepted athlete, she finished her floor routine, then took a knee and raised her fist upright in support of the Black Live Matter movement.
So, let’s take a minute to appreciate the courage it takes to put oneself under the scrutiny of an archaic system that may view that act as defiance and perhaps, she receives detrimental consequences because of it in order to remain independent and live your true self out loud and embrace her identity. Because of these badass chicas, change is beginning to happen in an antiquated system.
Another need for change was highlighted by Alice Dearing, the first Black woman to swim for Great Britain at the Games. She’s ambassador for Soul Cap, a swim cap made for natural Black hair, that the company describes as thick, curly and voluminous. And their caps are aimed to protect it. But, the cap she uses was barred from use at the Olympics because, and I quote, “it did not follow the natural form of the head”. Seriously. This is how ownership over someone’s identity is allowed to fester. The idea that the “natural form of the head” does not include all hair is indicative of the archaic system needing change.
And although many have raised protests to allow the cap, the governing body won’t allow it this year and is taking it into review for the future. Now this may sound futile, but maybe not, because given another year, I guess there are annual competitions, there may be ten more athletes demanding that their hair be protected by whatever cap they choose to wear and change will happen.
But, it can feel slow. Remember, you, as an individual and as a generation, are breaking barriers faster than change can keep up with, faster than your leadership knows how to track. Frustration may start and the feeling of not having enough influence to make the changes may begin to creep in. But in a lifetime, you will have accomplished and witnessed so much that even now you can’t imagine because it has yet to be invented or discovered, let alone created. All because along the way you took a moment here and there to make a stand for yourself.
So, looking forward all the time makes the journey seem too long and the end too far away. Instead, take a look back and appreciate just how far you have come in a very short time, whether it’s one year, five years, or ten years. Be proud of yourself for the lessons learned, the victories gained, the adventures and all the feels.
Stay in the moment. Embrace being gentle on yourself early on and be kind to your future self for not knowing earlier. Learning is the biggest part of the journey and if the singular goal in life is having the most money at the end, then there may be a long road of regret and disappointment ahead. Life is not a gambling game for quick winnings but rather, successful risks that you take at a time when you are prepared for the either result.
There’s a trending comment going on now, “What would you tell your younger self?” And I have to pause a minute and say this feels more like a trap. For as much as I appreciate sending knowledge down, giving you some heads up warning of what might be coming, it might send you down this really wrong path.
So, what would you tell your younger self? Tell her you love her and thank her for bringing you to today. Promise her that you will keep learning and trying, just like she did, and most of all, thank her for not controlling her whole life so that you, today, are free to make decisions and choices that are good for you in this moment; and honor her by not being hard on your future self.
Independence…
Viva! To Peru, in celebrating its 200th anniversary as an independent nation to support a world of many.
Viva! To the athletes in the Tokyo Olympic Games in celebrating their victories as an independent individual to support a team of many.
Viva! To us, the everyday person, in celebrating our talents and gifts as an independent thinker to support a community of many.
Without the identity of every single one, the many become few. We must stand to contribute as individuals to shut down the threat of ownership, of monologue so that together, we are a chorus, a sassy musical of many.
In the words of Hermey the Elf, D.D.S… our favorite disruptor: “I’m independent! Hey, whad’ya say we both be independent together?”
{Music begins with Outro}
I really appreciate the time you take to rate and review the podcast. Get the backstory and what you’ve heard here today, and reach out to us at TheLnxx.com. That’s L N double X, because it’s about time, it’’s about us. Stay in the groove on our social media at LifeLinks and get ready to make your move, ladies.
Viva!
{Music ends}
