Consuelo We lose perspective of just how much stress we are putting ourselves in order to figure things out all alone, rather than asking for help.
In this system, in the way they’ve made us feel, asking for help feeds into that theory that we don’t belong in what we want to do because we don’t already know the answer.
Intro {Music begins}
HOLA CHICAS!
I am Consuelo Crosby – born with both sides of my brain fighting for attention.. structural engineer & creative, mother & mentor, center of any spontaneous fiesta if I’ve had my morning latte… I give it all to being a 1st generation Peruvian badass chica!
So grateful you’re here today, wanting to shed that armor, relax into your truth, your value… pick up your salsa step, tune out what’s getting to you and be lifted from goddesses in generations past that taught us to live life large and out loud… because we’re not blending in…
LIFE LNXX… knowledge you didn’t even know you had TO BE THE BADASS CHICA YOU WERE BORN TO BE!
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Hola Chicas
How’s your week been going as we soar into the middle of October? Here in San Francisco, it has actually hit summer. Finally got rid of the fog, have the heat rising and the air is still. And so, we had Fleet Week this past weekend, when the navy ships come in and the Blue Angels performed. Okay, I know this causes angst for some of the population, but I absolutely love those Blue Angels!
The intelligence and expertise it takes to fly those planes in those formations, and how close they are and how fast they’re going. ! It’s crazy! Plus, then you have all the fabulous Navy service members strolling through our Italian neighborhood of North Beach. Ahh! And that let’s you share some good food, good times together. I always get a picture with one of the crews.
Thanks to all the people that signed up for the newsletter and will be receiving the Amanda Gorman print from her epic poem, ‘The Hill We Climb’. I think there may be a couple of spots left if you missed signing up on our website. Besides, who would deny this print if we go over by a few excited members? You can see the print on the Link page of the website at TheLnxx.com, that’s LN Double X, not the golfing one that no one uses.
Monday was International #DayoftheGirl; a day to stop and consider what it’s like for young girls in the world, the hardships they continue to face and the fabulous future that we are all obligated to create for them. It was a time to reflect on what it was like for us as young girls and what we thought our future could be like because we were still pretty innocent to what the system had in mind for us. So, you can see how much effort we should be doing for these young girls so that they don’t experience the things we’ve talked about, and especially what we are going to be talking about today in the imposter syndrome feeling. We are seeing the population of women and people of color rising into leadership but that door I feel can close really quickly.
So, let’s really work together on this. Let’s work really hard to create that world that welcomes young girls to rise into the women they were born to be and rise in leadership so this system doesn’t inhibit any of the young girls from living the life they’re supposed to have.
Last week, we were talking about the tricky tendency of Imposter Syndrome and how it has creeped into our psyches for awhile now, without us even realizing it. Early on we were challenged by our childhood friends or teachers on our identity. This is still occurring today with just outrageous stories that make me think we are still in the 50’s. It’s a battle between stagnation in power and evolution or the young moving into leadership. The current system is trying to maintain power by disregarding this change occurring. They are throwing us under the bus in an effort to disregard our identity and the threat they feel from it.
This week we are going to expound on the second part of Imposter Syndrome response because I don’t want to feed life into this. This is our response to the feeling.
What is the Wage Disparity for Latina Professionals
But, first, I want to take a moment first to talk about our Hispanic and Latina identity as the Heritage month of recognition and honor is coming to a close this week. The month was filled with celebrations of the individuals and cultures that have empowered our every day with justice and joy, nourishment of body and soul, generosity, humility and love of life and family. I hope you took some time to learn more about the people that are still affecting your current day and offer some gratitude in return.
The beauty of the Hispanic and Latin cultures is the natural act of giving without expectation of return. It’s just part of our DNA. So, when you are in a Hispanic or Latin culture daily, obviously with everyone giving, you are bound to receive gratitude or giving in return. It gets tricky when you are in a culture of consumerism and competition. In that culture, people tend to think only of themselves, their advancement or monetary gain. They judge success by how much they own and what it is worth rather than what they have provided to others. Sacrificing for others at your own expense is seen as a weakness in that culture rather than a sign of strength and profound leadership. This is where the worlds collide.
Think about what your world would look like if the leadership in your daily life was more concerned about you, your relationships and the health of the population affected by the leadership. Someone who was more concerned with your well being would not be the type to challenge your identity from the start. Someone concerned with your relationships and family would not expect your work to interfere or threaten those relationships. Instead, there would be compassion to succeed in all arenas, where not one would have to be compromised by another and instead one would support the other. A happy and secure family would bolster the community, which in turn would bolster business, which in turn would bolster employees and thus begin again. Perfect!
And yet, here in the U.S., Latina women across all career and job positions are only now reaching parity to a non-Hispanic man’s salary of last year. Last Year! While a lot of you are excited for Christmas and the end of this year, latinas are only now reaching the end of last year’s part for the same amount of work hours spent. Sit in that a minute. Think about how ready you are to put a cap on this year and you’ve got another year of salary almost in the bag and there are other women still catching up from last year. 10 months of extra work, just to break even with last year.
Ugh! We are so done with this system. So ready to create our own and just base it on parity and diversity and justice. You can see why Dolores Huerta just doesn’t want to give up in her lifetime. Thus must happen. I can’t stand to see another generation of young girls face this.
Time to turn on the salsa music and get to work, ladies, the kind of work that’s going to benefit us and our generations directly and for the better.
So you know that I’m a data geek by now, that I don’t speak my opinion without it being based on actual fact and data to prove it. I guess that’s why the structural engineer in me remains happy and excited over the idea.
Let’s throw some numbers out to clarify the harshness of disparity in Latina wages compared to White, non-Hispanic men across any professions. I know most people see the majority of Latina women in hospitality and childcare professions but that’s not to say they aren’t also in other professions such as math and science, nursing, law…. Of course they are! They are badass chicas!
Don’t tune out just because I am giving you numbers… Listen to these salaries and decide for yourself if you can sit idly in your every day and be ok with this info. According to the US Census Bureau for 2019 wages, so this just came out last year, the wage gap for the highest paid professions for Latinas in comparison with non-Hispanic men, is this: In nursing, Latinas are paid an average of $58,000, white men salaries, $98,000. That’s almost double! A Latina nurse is still working today, 10 months into this year in order to catch the equivalent salary of last year for the white, non-hispanic man. In law… Oh, you’re going to hate this one… In law, Latina women earn $66,ooo; the white, non-hispanic man, $157 fricking thousand dollars!
Why? Because they have this system set up that way. But, here’s a beautiful number, and this makes total sense to me. In occupations that rely on computer science and math, Latinas $82,000 on average and the white non-Hispanic man, $89,000.
Okay, this is the uptick. Latinas should be going into the STEM fields on a mad dash. Science, Tech, Engineering and Math…. Can you see the huge benefit that would come from Hispanic and Latina leadership in these fields? Can you see the need to increase the presence far beyond the current 2% that is hired by tech companies and older corporations?
Another uptick, there are established groups working to increase these numbers already and teach others about the amazing women already in the fields. One of these groups is called ‘Latinas in Tech’. You can see their info on our website in the Links page, and they are a brilliant sisterhood that fully offsets the brohood of Silicon Valley. Their gatherings are filled with enthusiasm, encouragement, spirituality and the reminder of our power to fight and what we are after and not give up.
Why We Don’t Ask For Help
This is a perfect time to pick up where we left off last week, then, in talking about Imposter Syndrome and how we really need to break the past habits formed from the pressures of the system that question our identity. We had talked about how early on in our existence, we were challenged for either being a girl or looking different than the players that the system already had in place. This began the question early on, no matter how badass you were, the seed of questioning our value was planted.
So, of course, it makes sense that what grew from that seed, the product of this questioning of our self worth, was a sprig of hesitancy to ask for help. This is the second component that feeds into the imposter syndrome tendency that the system framed around you. We hesitate asking for help because early on it would have been an example of you aren’t good enough, you don’t belong. If you were good enough, if you did belong, then you would know the answer or know how to do something correctly. A totally inane idea, but one that was used to keep you from rising into success and leadership that would threaten the established system.
Think about it… think about that moment when you innocently declared an answer without worrying if you were right or wrong, and think about what the response was. Probably, regardless of the answer, there was chuckling and finger pointing and you felt the heat in your cheeks rise. Again, depending on our personalities, we can respond in a multitude of ways and the brain tends to yell out, “never want to feel that again, so stay quiet”. Of course, the soul could answer right back, “ Yeah, no, that’s on them not me”.
It was a moment when we learned that not knowing the correct answer could put us in the center of other people’s bad behavior, of ridicule and shame. It’s lousy and wicked and hopefully, hopefully, either your badass Chica side came out or your sisterhood of great women embraced you to carry on unafraid and strong.
Regardless, you landed in the success that you envisioned for yourself. You look around and acknowledge, “Yep, one of the few”. No matter – you know what to do. This is your expertise. You can always rely on yourself to figure it out, just like all the times that got you to this point. Nothing to worry about…
Staying Silent Causes More Stress
We have brilliant self-reliance and it’s a powerful mechanism that can overcome much of what the world throws at us. But, there is still a residual from it, especially after all the decades of using it. We tend to accept that we can only rely on ourselves to figure things out. We tend to have flashbacks to when we didn’t have the right answer and we don’t want to experience that again unless we are really up against a wall. So what happens? We lose perspective of just how much stress we are putting ourselves in order to figure things out all alone, rather than asking for help.
In this system, in the way they’ve made us feel, asking for help feeds into that theory that we don’t belong in what we want to do because we don’t already know the answer. Asking for help may let everyone around you know that you don’t know what you are doing. I know this is ugly, erroneous, but still ugly. We know it’s not true. We understand that every moment is a learning situation since we haven’t been in it before.
I want you to think hard on this. You don’t know the answer for tomorrow. It hasn’t come here yet. You don’t know what’s going to be in front of you, but hopefully, that doesn’t cause you to stop and question whether you belong in tomorrow. You do. All these years, you’ve been putting away all those acorns of knowledge. You’ve been stuffing yourselves with information and practicing and doing unknown things.
It’s what got you here to begin with. I’m sure many of you have changed jobs, changed locations; you had to make new friends. Not knowing the answer is the everyday life.
It’s natural. Otherwise, it’d be Groundhog Day and all we do is come back to the same day, every day and try again, and try again, and try again. And, oh my gosh, Woof! That would be the worst! Doing the same thing over and over again without learning something new. And, if we don’t ask for help, even if we feel we should know the answer already, we could get stuck in Groundhog Day! The fear of now wanting to be put in a position where you don’t know where you don’t know. Where you just do the same thing, day after day.
So, think about yourself right now… How many times did you hold your tongue, stay quiet when you had a question or needed some clarification on something? Instead of taking the moment to pause the system and get information for yourself, clarify the group’s intent and expectation, you sat silent. In that silence, the worry began and the ball of anxiety started to grow. At first, it was just the concern about whether or not you should ask for help. Then it grew into whether or not you could figure it out on your own. Then, whether or not you should have already known it and just how far back do you have to go to be on equal footing…. STAHP! STAHP!
This is a trap that you are setting for yourself. In this moment of self-doubt, you are framing yourself as the imposter. You have created the environment that assumes you have nothing to contribute to the success of the whole.
You have an entirely different viewpoint, life experience, different life lynx, DNA, soul that represent a unique population of people that need you to speak up, speak out on their behalf. You have all the pieces that successfully brought you to this point of leadership: vision, determination, passion, intellect, fiery spirit. You have practiced for years and are ready for the main act. So avoid getting on stage, in the spotlight, and have nothing to say. Engage with the audience that is expecting you to participate, to engage with them and contribute your talents.
I know it’s not easy… I’ve been there. This method of interaction is expected, needed for the organization or community to thrive and become better for all because of your contribution. You may realize that you know something that can be added to the conversation and arrive at a better solution than if you just waited for them to answer. Besides, if the person gives you a hard time or makes you feel inadequate, then that’s on them, not you! You are born to be the badass chica that lives true to herself.
Which Generation Has the Answer?
We need to collaborate across gender, across generations, across heritages because each segment of diversity adds knowledge that can’t be learned without that holder of knowledge speaking out and showing us the way. The act of learning is spherical. We can just learn from each other. Men and women, young and old, experienced and rookie. No one person has the absolute answer or approach on getting there.
With so many different ideas and methodologies, a linear way of learning just doesn’t make sense. We’d have to go from here to Mars. It would take forever. We don’t have that kind of time. Do you see where Greta makes so much sense right now?
With the rapidly evolving knowledge and resources, it will take all 3 generations working together to create the system that has the answer for us now, all at once. With so much diversity and identity, we can surely support each other to embrace our differences, to not feel like an imposter and just be the leadership we so desperately need.
Let’s honor all the Hispanic and Latina women that fought past an even more hostile environment of the past to make our life now so much better. The women who wouldn’t take no for an answer or believe that they didn’t belong. Like Rita Moreno. She stated recently that she had to wear darker makeup all over herself because the directors wanted her to look more “native”. There was so much makeup, she said, it was like mud. She’s turning 90 this year, December 11th, the day after the new release of West Side Story and she is in that movie! For the love of all Latinas!
I think we should put her and Dolores Huerta in the same room and see what happens. I think there would be this vortex into the galaxy that we’re all really supposed to be in. PBS, that’s the public broadcasting system, has a new AmericanMasters Documentary that came out just last week about Rita Moreno, and it’s called, (you’re going to love this), ‘Just a Girl Who Decided To Go For It’.
Do you not want to follow this woman? Are you so grateful she’s still alive to tell us what to do?
Let’s celebrate all the Hispanic and Latin cultures this week and raise a glass to the strength, beauty and justice that has been gifted to us. If you missed the July newsletter with the beverage recipes, you can now find them on the website at The Lnxx, that’s LN Double X dot com. This will give you the Peruvian version of refreshments. We could also add in some Agua Frescas, the Caipirinha, or refreshing Sangrias. Yeesss, all those beautiful beverages that you have regularly are gifted to you from the Latin cultures, and we haven’t even started on the food, the music and dancing! There’s so much joy and celebration here!
Would love your ideas and feedback so contact me through our website and please take some time to add a review on Apple Podcasts.
Step into your truth, ladies! Ciao!
Outro
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I really appreciate the time you take to rate and review the podcast. Get the backstory and what you’ve heard here today, and reach out to us at TheLnxx.com. That’s L N double X, because it’s about time, it’’s about us. Stay in the groove on our social media @LifeLinks and get ready to make your move, ladies.
Viva!
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